“Wow. I literally can’t do anything right.”
“Seriously. I am such an idiot.”
“I can’t believe I just ate that ice cream/bought that shirt/made that stupid comment/failed again/(insert your own self-deprecation here). I suck.”
And so the critical phrases go on…the phrases that swing like a sledgehammer, whipping through the air and slamming down our minds, souls, and very beings.
Amy Jo Fredman has a pretty harsh critic in her life. Who is this insensitive brutal, and beastly critic? It's Amy Jo Fredman. I am an expert sledgehammer swinger when it comes to my own life, wielding admirable skill in critiquing every aspect of every thing imaginable.
In some ways, that has propelled me to some great successes. Because I know how to push myself, how to be self-aware of my growth edges, and how to always work for more. I can get better at stuff, dang it!
But in far more ways, my harsh inner critic has exhausted me. Last week, I berated myself hard for slipping into a bad eating habit yet again (I was swinging that sledgehammer real good). Well, during Sledgehammer Day, a wise mentor told me, “Please don’t be so hard on yourself. It only adds stress.” I was shocked at her response. Wasn’t she going to tell me the perfect secret to fixing my problem? Wasn’t she going to ask me 7,000 questions to get to the heart of that particular moment of issue? Wasn’t she going to chide me for not getting over my stupid food habit yet?
“Don’t be so hard on yourself" was good wisdom.
And so, few days later, as I was spending some time in quiet, praying and readying myself for the new school year, these words basically floated into my brain (which I took as a special delivery from the Holy Spirit itself).
“Be gentle with yourself...
for you are beloved.”
I was struck by the beauty of this phrase, and I was moved by the warmth of it. As I head into a year brimming with new challenges and rife with potential for mistakes, I found it rather beautiful that the truth that my Creator wanted to invite me into was to “be gentle with yourself.”
You see, if I really am beloved (which, ironically, is what the name “Amy” means…), that means that I am far too special, too treasured, and too valuable to constantly be whacking with a sledgehammer of “You suck, try harder, you’re an idiot.”
Be gentle with yourself, Am.
For you are beloved.
But there's more.
When the sledgehammer is already in my hands, ready to beat down on Amy Jo Fredman, how can I have the audacity to think that I am not equally prone to sledgehammer others? In reality, my harsh criticism of myself only leads toward being harshly critical of others, swinging that sledgehammer of critique over their way whenever they step within a 3-foot sledgehammer-handle-radius.
If we lives our lives as harsh critics of ourselves, we will naturally operate as harsh critics of those around us. We know nothing else. And who wants to live like that?
Thus, as I grow in being gentle with myself, I will grow in being gentle with those around me. With my family. With my friends. With my coworkers. With the students that I work with. With people at my church. With acquaintances, famous people, politicians, the impoverished, the rich, the powerful, the powerless…I will be gentle. Because they, too, are beloved.
So, let's be gentle with ourselves.
For we are beloved.
“Seriously. I am such an idiot.”
“I can’t believe I just ate that ice cream/bought that shirt/made that stupid comment/failed again/(insert your own self-deprecation here). I suck.”
And so the critical phrases go on…the phrases that swing like a sledgehammer, whipping through the air and slamming down our minds, souls, and very beings.
Amy Jo Fredman has a pretty harsh critic in her life. Who is this insensitive brutal, and beastly critic? It's Amy Jo Fredman. I am an expert sledgehammer swinger when it comes to my own life, wielding admirable skill in critiquing every aspect of every thing imaginable.
In some ways, that has propelled me to some great successes. Because I know how to push myself, how to be self-aware of my growth edges, and how to always work for more. I can get better at stuff, dang it!
But in far more ways, my harsh inner critic has exhausted me. Last week, I berated myself hard for slipping into a bad eating habit yet again (I was swinging that sledgehammer real good). Well, during Sledgehammer Day, a wise mentor told me, “Please don’t be so hard on yourself. It only adds stress.” I was shocked at her response. Wasn’t she going to tell me the perfect secret to fixing my problem? Wasn’t she going to ask me 7,000 questions to get to the heart of that particular moment of issue? Wasn’t she going to chide me for not getting over my stupid food habit yet?
“Don’t be so hard on yourself" was good wisdom.
And so, few days later, as I was spending some time in quiet, praying and readying myself for the new school year, these words basically floated into my brain (which I took as a special delivery from the Holy Spirit itself).
“Be gentle with yourself...
for you are beloved.”
I was struck by the beauty of this phrase, and I was moved by the warmth of it. As I head into a year brimming with new challenges and rife with potential for mistakes, I found it rather beautiful that the truth that my Creator wanted to invite me into was to “be gentle with yourself.”
You see, if I really am beloved (which, ironically, is what the name “Amy” means…), that means that I am far too special, too treasured, and too valuable to constantly be whacking with a sledgehammer of “You suck, try harder, you’re an idiot.”
Be gentle with yourself, Am.
For you are beloved.
But there's more.
When the sledgehammer is already in my hands, ready to beat down on Amy Jo Fredman, how can I have the audacity to think that I am not equally prone to sledgehammer others? In reality, my harsh criticism of myself only leads toward being harshly critical of others, swinging that sledgehammer of critique over their way whenever they step within a 3-foot sledgehammer-handle-radius.
If we lives our lives as harsh critics of ourselves, we will naturally operate as harsh critics of those around us. We know nothing else. And who wants to live like that?
Thus, as I grow in being gentle with myself, I will grow in being gentle with those around me. With my family. With my friends. With my coworkers. With the students that I work with. With people at my church. With acquaintances, famous people, politicians, the impoverished, the rich, the powerful, the powerless…I will be gentle. Because they, too, are beloved.
So, let's be gentle with ourselves.
For we are beloved.