Please meet my most common phrase thus far in 2015. I’m in a season in my career that is more challenging than ever before. I am preparing to launch new ministry materials, guide a new ministry staff team, and step into leadership in a new and serious way. And to top that off, I have a couple of tricky relational dynamics that I don’t always know how to handle.
And I don't think it's just me who is feeling some of these worries. This week, a good friend of mine was describing to me her and her husband’s process of deciding their next steps, and she said with a small sigh, “So yeah, we don’t have it all figured out.” Well, welcome to the club of “it”, sister.
Whatever “it” is, we all seem to want it settled. Whether it refers to our relationships, our careers, our children, our retirement plan, our vacations, our New Year’s Resolution, our friends, our homes, our families, our finances, or an explanation for why we love Taylor Swift (that might just be me…), we would just really like to know what in the world is going to happen with “it.”
I don’t know if you’re anything like me, but thinking about the outcome of “it” often is accompanied by a hover of anxiety, a weight of fear, and a bubble of nervousness, after which the high-pitched whistle of “I just don’t know how ‘it’ is going to work out!” starts speeding through my inner self.
My response? To begin to grasp and claw for understanding, control, or certainty of “it.”
Maybe if I spent hours this week preparing “it”, everything will go perfectly second semester.
Maybe it I knew how “it” would end up shaking out, I could relax a little bit…this friendship
tension is rough.
Maybe if I thought and worked a little bit harder on “it”, that resource would be under control and
I wouldn’t worry about it anymore.
Maybe if I actually understood what you’re SUPPOSED to do with “it” in this situation. Where is
the frickin’ manual for ministry?
LISTS. I need more LISTS for more “its.” Maybe that would help…
Maybe if we could just understand “it,” control “it,” or fix “it,” we’d be okay? Right? Maybe?
One evening, in my messy kitchen (all good things happen in messy kitchens. It’s a law.), I began to realize that I desperately wanted to know the outcome of each of my worries, each of my “its” – and even more so than that, I wanted a guarantee of problem-free outcomes to each of these “its”. I wanted to know the ending. And it was supposed to be a happy ending, thank you very much.
But when else in our lives do we desire to know the ending? I get annoyed when I can predict the murderer in my Jodi Picoult book. I disparage predictable movies when you know in the first five minutes who the final romantic pairing will be. And when someone gives away a major moment in “Parenthood” before I’ve watched the episode…heads will roll, folks. Knowing the ending ruins the entire experience.
So then why do we want to know the endings to our worries, struggles, anxieties, and fears? Why do we want to know all the endings to our “its”? If we truly did know the ending to each of these things, we would simply live as robots, lumbering along from event to event. And what kind of life would that be?
Instead, what if you and I committed to simply living in the “it”? What if, in the midst of our worries and anxieties and fears and struggles, we took a real deep breath and said to our anxious selves, “I don’t know what is going to happen with ‘it.’ But I can be faithful in doing what I can, and I can live in today and be present in ‘it.’”
A wise poet from long ago once encouraged his faith community, "This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in 'it.'" That poet stayed present in the "its." And I want to, too.
I want to be present in my “its” this week. Because you see, if I spend all of my time worrying forward (What will happen with “it”? What am I going to do about “it”? What if “it” totally crashes and burns?”), my posture will be one of fear and anxiety over the future. And I’m going to miss what is happening in the present moment.
If I worry about “it” to the point of needing to format all of my curriculum plans perfectly, I cut
short a phone call from a dear friend…and I miss the part where her courage brings me to tears.
If I obsess about “it” to the point of thinking all day about a messy friendship, I miss the joy of
focusing deeply on praying for a new semester of ministry.
If I live in the tense anxiety of how hard “it” will be if “it” doesn’t work, I miss the beauty of being
formed and shaped today by a God who cares lovingly for me.
So yes, we can be faithful in praying about our “its,” working hard to plan and prepare for our “its,” and being intentional in navigating our “its.” But this week, would you like to join me in stopping ourselves before we finish the worrisome phrase, “I just don’t know how ‘it’ will work out”? Instead, let’s remind ourselves that in the beauty of that particular moment, whether we’re washing dishes, getting gas, sitting at our computer, or in conflict with our child, that “it” is being worked out in that moment.
May we stay present in the "its" this week. Not zooming forward in fear. Not sledgehammering ourselves about the past. But staying right in "it."
After all, "it" is a short word. And I don't want to miss what happens during it.